futile nectar

It seems everyone’s back-up expression
in any given dynamic
is that

“You can’t change people.”

Well… goddamn.

You can’t change someone if they wanna be changed
and you can’t change someone if they don’t
and you can just watch as your family members and friends
slowly destroy themselves
drink themselves to death
or kill themselves
because this is the accepted fate of mankind and humanity
merely because we all believe
“You can’t teach an old dog new tricks”

But if you stick an elderly labradoodle into a lava pit,
it’ll still try to avoid it.

A podcast for class once denoted the fact that primates have learned how to shift their opinions more effectively than humans because when it comes to admitting fault and acknowledging difference,
We are more idiotic than monkeys and chimpanzees.
More stubborn than donkeys and giant oak trees.

And those of us who try
to do something
will die off like honey bees.

Depending on who I’m telling

I’m good
I’m ok
I’m fine
I’m meh
I’m shit
I feel awful
I want to cry all the time
I need a hug
I hear a constant buzzing like a grey cloud over my head
I am not great

*shrugs shoulders*

How about you?
You alright?
You good?
How’s it going?
What’s up?
What you been up to?

Not much.
Not much.
Nothing worth mentioning.
The same old thing.
I’m really boring.
Nothing worth mentioning.
Not much has changed to be honest.
“Just been working”
“Just been studying”
“Just been busy”

That’s cool
That’s nice
That’s good
“Aww”
“LOL”
“Haha” (even when no humour is involved)

I just lived the last 21 years of my life and all I have to say for it is
I’m feeling so “blah” right now about everything that I don’t even want to talk about it
Even though there are a million things I could talk about
Because my thoughts are like the threads of a bed sheet made of fancy Egyptian cotton
So soft, like strands of air that are barely there, existing
Similar to how wires and pipes are forgotten mechanisms of magic
bringing us the means to quench our curiosities
and keeping the mysticism behind it all
at bay
until a something is caught in the drain
and you have to call a plumber
who pulls out a terrifyingly large clump of multicoloured hair and shower gunk
letting you see the insides of your sink
and all you can really think
is
“Oh my fucking God.”