When two exes talk

The sensation of a gloveless winter walk
Emerges when two exes talk
Like being caught cold in rain
Or when the ice freezes the brain

A disconnect, that does not work
A helplessness that does berserk
It does not permit itself be made
And so the feelings only fade

I look at you and feel a haze
I know you will not meet my gaze
Rejected from the hopeful daze,
Dejected in a hurtful craze.

Searching fruitless in your face
For remnants of this old love’s trace.
I know now hot we reached this place-
Do you ever miss my warm embrace?

We chat like strangers who’ve just met,
I ruminate a previous bet:
You asked me not to break you heart-
On mine you’ve made a glaring start.

Indifferent seeming, plain and frank
A past me would think this all a prank
You were an angel, praised a saint-
A mere façade, a coat of pain

Destroying me with honesty
Forgetting all you learned of me
Awestruck, I still cannot believe-
You reflect this as a queer reprieve.

You held me close, and hugged me tight
Remembered as a sad respite.
I will a friendship, all despite
Restraining tears with all my might.

Proof of how history repeats,
I flame a smoke and take a seat
I peer inside to check my soul,-
Just ashes of a dying coal.

You loved me once, you don’t deny
You current self is stupefied
Our bond you attempt to forget,
It does not fit the life you set.

I leave you, for it hurts to stay
To understand this game you’ve played.
The aim was never to deceive
Yet it’s precisely what you achieved.

I depart your ruse,
Exit the grift
Take what’s left,
Accept the shift.

You’ve killed a part of me you knew.
The one I grew together with you.
In time you’ll realise what is true;
That you were young,
Lonely. Confused.

That you were afraid,
Thoughtless. A prude.
The fault was yours-
The problem was you.

And you must live with the consequence
of the choices that you choose.

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I do not mean to

​I do not mean to pry, my dear,
But soothe this bitter longing
For reasons I can justify
And muse the songs I’m dawning

I do not mean to cry, my dear
But choose your answers wisely.
For I am brittle in your gaze
And end the night in sighing

In mornings I’m abiding
So passions will start weaning
Which currently are beaming
As slight teardrops, they are streaming

I do not mean to lie, my dear
But how can I confess…
The topic of my mind is you-
Praying,
To love you less.

dinner

nascent beginnings
adjacent living
complacent sitting there,
imagining if you are eating dinner
and why i can’t be the spoon
or the napkin
watching over you-

why am i not
placed across you
surveying your face
every time you look down
for another bite of food-

no,
i cannot think like this
creepily drown myself
in obsessive thoughts like these.

ridiculous in their size and creed,
fantasising how
you feed yourself-

i have barely seen you exist.

but then i still concern for your
5-a-day
and whether you’ve had enough greens
today,
the way you take your coffee or tea
maybe two sugars or black,
or milky…

oh,
romantic child,

you are useless.

just in case

In case I die
These are all the words
that I want to say to you,
but I won’t because
it’s not the right time.

When it is the right time,
I want you to read them
and remember how much
Just one person thought of you
In this life that I have lived,
And it has been
a beautiful one:

I love you.

I love you with the greatest compassion.
I look at you and think of the million moments shared,
Eating
Laughing
Watching movies that made our hearts twist and turn,
Lying in bed
Dreaming
Thinking of the future
Reflecting on the past
And how thankful I am
To have been a part of your journey
Developing slowly
All the struggles and discoveries

I look at you and recall
Every wonderful moment
Every painful pang
Every mundane and exciting time
That allows me to reminisce
That allows me to confess
How lucky I am to have met you
All of you
Everyone I have seen
And hugged
To become
a part of my heart.

I have tried to remind those close to me
How precious they are
And I will tell them time after time…
You are loved.

How you are loved!

How I love you
Exceeds the limits,
Is boundless as the sky we gaze into
During the loneliest nights
And the exhausting mornings –
Surpassing perception
So that it may only be an intangible amount
Because it is immeasurable by the literal.

Unimaginable,
Regardless of all the gifts
All the shoulders to cry on
All the food cooked
And all the clothes I’ve put on you
To keep you fed and warm.

All of the gatherings
Where the only mission was to pass the hours together

All the reunions
Whether the gaps are hours or years
Whether the distance is a few miles or thousands

All the lovely eyes that I’ve peered into and felt safety and empathy,
Kinship and friendship
Romance and adoration
Coated by the affection
I hope I have adequately given.

I don’t want to leave this world without having said what needs to be said,
and so I’ll say it now.

Just in case.

Just in case
I perish suddenly
Without warning
Like how they die in the movies
And leave everyone at a loss.

I have loved all of you
With all the love I have been gifted
And all the love I have ever known.

So even when I am gone,
I live on inside of you,
Keeping you strong
Even if you think you’re wrong.

These words are cliche,
Because love can be quite simple,
There is no complicated mechanism
That needs to be made.

But I will dedicate my whole life
As a romantic gesture to you all
And hope that makes
you blush in awe

Never letting you forget-

You are loved!
You are loved!
You are loved!

Poem of the Day: With only one life by Marin Sorescu

Hold with both hands
The tray of every day
And pass in turn
Along this counter.

There is enough sun
For everybody.
There is enough sky,
And there is moon enough.

The earth gives off the smell
Of luck, of happiness, of glory,
Which tickles your nostrils
Temptingly.

So don’t be miserly,
Live after your heart.
The prices are derisory.

For instance, with only one life
You can acquire
The most beautiful woman,
Plus a biscuit.

[Trans. Joana Russell-Gebbett and D.J. Enright]

cinnamon swirl

I love to swipe the crispy flakes of leftover pastry
in the steel trays of Sainsbury’s bakery section.

It’s not a sin,
or is it?

Isn’t it?
Psh!
It’s harmless!

They would have thrown them away
anyways, into the putrid food waste bag,
alongside a load of unopened packets
which lie discarded, rejected, reduced,
and perfectly edible,
but awfully illegal to give
to the starving mouths in this city
and on these streets
for some reason.

Some friends of mine fish out these remains
to save some expense from their always shrinking pockets
and their always worrying conscience.

Last they told me,
in utter lament-

“They locked the bins.”

Access to their trash.
Our treasure.

because you are there

my love,
my love,
my thoughts are eager children
wanting to tell you
about their recent discoveries,
whether playful or tame,
wanting to indulge you with
pointless games

just to look up to you
and smile
for nothing other
than a plain and innocent reason-

because you are there,
and you care.