I do not mean to

​I do not mean to pry, my dear,
But soothe this bitter longing
For reasons I can justify
And muse the songs I’m dawning

I do not mean to cry, my dear
But choose your answers wisely.
For I am brittle in your gaze
And end the night in sighing

In mornings I’m abiding
So passions will start weaning
Which currently are beaming
As slight teardrops, they are streaming

I do not mean to lie, my dear
But how can I confess…
The topic of my mind is you-
Praying,
To love you less.

dinner

nascent beginnings
adjacent living
complacent sitting there,
imagining if you are eating dinner
and why i can’t be the spoon
or the napkin
watching over you-

why am i not
placed across you
surveying your face
every time you look down
for another bite of food-

no,
i cannot think like this
creepily drown myself
in obsessive thoughts like these.

ridiculous in their size and creed,
fantasising how
you feed yourself-

i have barely seen you exist.

but then i still concern for your
5-a-day
and whether you’ve had enough greens
today,
the way you take your coffee or tea
maybe two sugars or black,
or milky…

oh,
romantic child,

you are useless.

Let Me Coat Your Body

Let me coat your body, my love
Let me drink your tears.
Feel the physical strain.
Let me throw myself
in front of
projectile words
that cause you pain.

Let me attempt to vanquish
the demons that scold you.

Your sacrifice
will never be in vain.

Your willingness
is fair and bold.

As you dare to love me,
veins, tendrils, more visible,
Hopelessness more frequent
than I’ve witnessed
before.

Let me clutch at my chest,
Wedge out bodies together-
So your hurt can be mine
And my strength can be yours.

Giving Tree

I am the giving tree
You said…

But you don’t see
how much
You’ve given to me

So, who really…
is the Giving Tree?

You take my breath
and help me breathe

You cradle my head
with loving leaves

You branches hold mine
reaching up towards the sky
meeting heights never quite so excited…

Here rooted,
and I am delighted

We are united
in living
Giving
no misgivings,
forgiving this selflessness
so ridiculous

It’s worth the risk,
isn’t it?

So, let’s plant ourselves together
and go
where the sunset plays
and the calm wind blows,

swaying in sync
when night starts to sink

then I think I know
I’m no longer alone.

you

you
a tall container of emotional idiosyncrasies that no one would ever see unless they
talk to you
necessary to invite you to spew out your mental insecurities and reveal deepest secrets
excreting what exactly makes you
you
making sense of all that you choose to do
and why you smile at sad things

from these lenses of affection they are a changing shade of colour every time you tell me something
new
that exposes a novel part of your soul to me
making the solid colours swirl like the palettes of the galaxy
shining and twinkling in some parts
and pitch dark black in others

i feel like i have this
very prized telescope
being able to look into you
like this
that you have so hesitantly given me because you are afraid that
whoever knows your preferred method of taking tea
will also be able to hurt you

that whoever knows of your childhood fears and current guilts
will use this knowledge
to bring you harm

that whoever has such a peculiar interest in you
may be malicious indefinitely,
taking these precious details about you
to ridicule and reduce to stupid habits
most likely due to the fact that someone has harmed your heart
before

i have come to learn that those who i have loved
and who have hurt me
have never done so intentionally
and all had happened due to miscommunication
and a refusal to admit
and answer questions
that had difficult replies

talking honestly makes everything better
at least,
i believe
most of the time.

so while you hold yourself so rigid and afraid to open yourself up
horrified to see some spillage of some undesirable aspect
you should know that people are hardly ever judging you.
and if they are, that is more a reflection of themselves than you
since people are more prone to be ruthless to themselves rather than others
and that you deserve to be cherished and valued
than to be apprehensive of someone who wants to gift you nothing but
love and kindness
even if you cannot detect or refuse to admit it –

you
a lovely human who has so much to say
and so much to do
unable to access the courage to loosen up the grips of protective latches
or to be vulnerable and confident and strong on the surface
like how you say i am whenever i emerge.

i am these things because i draw strength from your quiet bravery
i am overtly terrified and shielded and overwhelmed
i am only able to admit this because i want you to listen and understand
that i understand
even if you don’t want to talk about it.

and that you are beautiful regardless.
and that you are loved by a lot of people.

Images

Kaleidoscope images transfixed into your heart
Projected In crystal irises
Gazing into me
Piercing internal glee
Squirming onto a plane of reality

The way a movie is shown on screen
Translating a visual anomaly
To be loved and seen
Clear and pristine
That cannot quite be
Captured in words
Exactly

The way music is played
To strum a string
That only exists internally
That makes a body twist and scream
In anguished
torn cacophony

A symphony of emotion
Exploded in kinds
I do not really understand
Until I get to hold your hand
The function of touch
Starts to make sense

The epiphany
Breaking my lenses
And destroying the fences
Meant to protect

Which moves in beauty
Others will not show
Unless they come to intimately know
How flowers grow
How the wind blows

Cultivating a kind of personal art
Exhibiting a luscious glow
Sparking and inspires,
Wildly admired-

Wherever you choose to go.