I’m Wobbly

​dedicated to my wobbly friends and my wobbly heart ❤

I’ve grown accustomed to instability
I’m wobbly
And wobbly people walk like penguins
With anxiety

We look ok
We look just fine
We still ramble on with the hands of time
But the truth is
Deep down inside
A pendulum swings
Between blurry lines

Increasing angst
Frustrations tense
Panic
Disorder
Pass this fence
Pressure immense
To act ok
In the end
We are still pained this way

Afraid of where the knives are kept
Afraid of events
That came and went
Afraid to mention
Afraid to vent
The tension builds
Breaking and bent

Then to defence
Paralysis
Movement erect
Paralysis
Interaction
Paralysis
I don’t want you
To see me like this

I excuse myself
Despite wanting to spend the day with people
There are too many persons in my brain right now
The ones who cry wolf
The ones who scream with tears
The ones who emphasise despair
permeating constant with fear

To those I find dear
I can’t look
I leer
To mask the uncertainty
I may tell you the truth
But the truth isn’t clear
Even to my vision
I thought my sight was near

I need time to regroup
My mind overworked in hyperdrive
Not enough storage
need a factory reset
To restart
And cry

But if you tell me to just get over it
To just “get better”
I just
Might throw myself
Into the deep end

I’ll get better
At dodging
Your questions.

I’ll get better
At hiding myself from those who don’t understand at all
Because the pressure to “be better” makes me worse

You can’t rush these things
You couldn’t tell someone to just “get over” their broken leg
My mind is broken from trauma
I don’t even know where it came from
All I know is I need crutches
I need friends
I need trust
I need love
I’m wobbly
And wobbly people walk like penguins with anxiety

So walk with me
Tell me everything will be ok,
And some part of me
Will start
To believe it.

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