Notification

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Maybe if I look at your profile on Facebook long enough
A notification would indicate my touch
A virtual poke that nudges your attention
To let you know that I’m on your page,
Quite stuck…

If I stared long enough at a read message
Would you gather that my casual suggestion
Is a secret plea to have you read and reply
With prompt detection, hoping I’m worth some attention

Possibly I would find our common interests through the things you have “liked” over time
So I can beg for an excuse to bond with you
That’s my given
Whether discussing love or the passing of time
Can be a form of seduction

Every tiny red number
floating next to a message bubble
Makes my heart flutter with excitement.
Ignites my fingers to swipe my screen like a flint stone
To set fire to my fate in the form of a text

I’ll imagine it’s you for a single second
Before admitting that it’s just my flatmate asking to be let in.

I’ll give you the option to contact me
While I wriggle and squirm in agony
Attempting to appear as if I would not be devastated from your neglect…
“Here’s my number”
“Give me a text”

I don’t even know why I nervously anticipate
At the moment, love is like a closed pool that I cannot fall into
An activated trap that no longer ensnares
But I can’t help but gaze into the hypothetical
Get lost the chase,
chasing your back and following it through every obstacle
Imagined pathways that do not exist in my future
Perhaps I’m more enchanted by the possibility
Rather than the reality
For if the two were to comply and merge then my reactions would be speechless to reply
For as a sigher I love to regret
And crushing on you is a fantasy
One I know I’d never get.

My own weaknesses are projected as your strengths
And every flaw I see in myself becomes a reason you wouldn’t be interested
Letting my own insecurities be my only form of security
To guard my ego, paid with the currency to be quite upset
So then, at least later,
I can wager dangerously on a losing bet

But I’ll stick around and let destiny decide
Give no fucks,
Stick around for the ride
See where the tide might bring us
Drift around with pride
And maybe I’ll see you by my side
Or just as the last thing I think of at night.

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