We’ll Be Fine

I wrote this at a time of when a lot of my friends were having a rough time. I decided to write a little something to make them feel better…Also discussing how hard some people find it to open up emotionally. 

For those of you who don’t know me
I like to share things
Where others fret about wearing their heart on their sleeve
I wear mine on my chest
Proudly
Cause emotions are too big to disguise.

Why not wear them with pride?
To those calm and reserved
I feel absurd
Pouring out the contents of my mind out like free tea for no reason
But I suppose the reason lies in the fact that people like my tea
Brewed in authentic sincerity
Envious reverie
For some have told me that they wish they could like this way
BE vulnerable.
I find that unbelievable.

I’ve been raised like a balloon with a leak,
And when the teardrops start to stretch out my tolerance
They burst from the porthole that is my mouth
And I talk and talk enthusiastically,
Bombastically
Until only a small amount is left.

For some people I imagine it’s tricky
To appear cool and distant
They distance themselves from their feelings
Refusing to peel off one by one the layers of resistance that their onion of a heart has grown
Soon enough, I fear something will cut deep down into the core
And someone will cry. That’s when they start to lie.

Lie about all that consumes their frail mind
Separate their insides like dirty laundry.
All the wondrous colourful bits will be stained red and black if you’re not careful.
But they’re full of fear anyways and therefore distracted, their face always a consistent shade of haze too difficult to define. They’ll tell you they’re “fine.” Yet, when it’s so hard to tell, can you read between the lines?

I try to see that the world is divine,
But amongst the symphony of sighs and regrets I can’t forget that there are people suffering.
People waiting for aid like a video buffering in an area where there’s no internet connection.
I can only look towards affection.
For it’s hard to find love when facing so much rejection, looking in the wrong direction,
Constant circumspection.
A reflection.

Dear Diary,
I grow weary of people most of the time and I don’t know why. Nothing ever seems to work out for me and maybe it’s just not meant to be, but how many times do I have to tell myself that before I actually believe it? There are incredible people out there and they seem unhappy. Just like I am.
Just like me.
Why the hell do we all feel so crappy?

For those of you who do know me,
I think I may feel too many things.
How every moment together can inspire some poetry
I hope you adore me.
For I love all of you with a unfiltered passion
And when you feel like crying and being an onion
I’ll be there to catch the rain,
I’ll peel real carefully
Or maybe buy you gum…Because I hear that helps sometimes.

Life is too short to fear.
Say it with me,
LIFE IS SHORT,
And though my chest makes an easy target for arrows that do and don’t belong to Cupid
It’d be stupid to waste it not being yourself
Trying to be somebody else.
You have a WEALTH of unique features that nobody has
And even though you can compare and contrast the details of your life with those of others
You’re still not the same.

And you’re not the blame either.
It’s too easy to put fault on yourself and induce self-loathing
Wear a set of hateful clothing
Spread negativity just to be able to empathise with people who hurt the same in a different way.
But have a little self-respect,
You deserve better sometimes. You really fucking do.

Though sadness often comes of waves of aggressive oceans
Reach out to your friends,
Since they tend to come through for you.
Friends, who’ll throw you a safety net
When you’re falling fast out of your mind.

We’ll be fine.
It gets better, you tell yourself that and we’ll be fine.
If life was a cheesy chick flick, you’re just at the beginning.
When the cool kids are bitchy popular girls and douchey jocks,
Not yet the people who will show you cool music and parts of their world.

For those of you who don’t know me,
Or do know me,
Please know that I love to sigh,
But my sighs are followed with a quick smile with no “why?”
Life is more than just getting by. More than trying to survive. Think not about the goodbyes but rather the highs and the “hi”s.
Because I believe we’ll be fine.

And if you still don’t believe it after that, let me know. If you believe you’ve been ripped apart, I know how to sew.

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Stable Winds

This poem was inspired my my friend Adam, who is also known as a local musician in Edinburgh called The Duke of Norfolk. He is a traveler and sailor at heart. His new EP “Three Days From the Wolf” can be found on BandCamp (and it’s real good if you like some folk 😉 

The way that the wind blows
Often makes us stand firmer on our feet
Swept away we want to be
But we’ve certain commitments to keep

As wanderlust is a convincing treat,
Imagining days out at the sea
Walking on mountains covered in sleet
Hardly ever going to sleep…

It’s easy to crave traveling days
When the way we walk turns routine
But the second consistency dissolves
It’s exactly what we seek.

I met a guy the other day
With dreams to be in a boat
To be shipwrecked in the ocean
His preferred fantasy
Transposing beautiful music beats
To the soft calls of the shore.

It reminded me that I want to move about more.

I get no rest from restlessness
Fatigued from stressing out how I don’t know where I’m going
So maybe if I move around I can find direction somehow.
Destinations are physical locations that bring comfort since
They are place I shall end up, almost no doubt.

But every path must come to an end,
And every trip must fall back
Into the realisation that the journey was never lacking.
Rather,
It was testing our patience,
Embracing change when it happened and resenting change when it returned
On a tide of aimless decision making

We rocked back and forth.

We grew seasick with tentative apologies
Migraines from accepting reality
Feverish struggles to retain a kind of tenacity
Or even inner peace.

Maybe he appreciates the soothing motion of movement rhythmic
Cryptic in his subtle appearance
A secret sailor hidden inside a man with a lot to sing
And a lot to show.

Perhaps he’ll go farther than I’ll ever hope to go
Perhaps he’ll follow where the wind takes him
Where the sails grow wide
And the seagulls crow

I’ll stay right here, my shoes planted
Like a tree rooting up trunks, sprouting leaves
Seeing that going forward can also be growing upwards
Staying exactly where I please.
Loving a gentle breeze.

Yet even though I am keen to leave
Even though I am reluctant to fully depart
This endless wandering started a long time ago,
Lingering forever in my heart
It doesn’t mean that I am lost.
Merely lusting after events I’ve sought
It generates a strange contentment
Acknowledging stability as a tangential clause.

But every ship needs a lighthouse to beckon it home
Me, here, roaming, budding newfound intimacy
Gracing new flowers and fruits of careful tender
That only come with time.

And while he can get lost in the limitless ocean
I am happy to just get lost in the limitless sky
Looking up and over with the same eyes
Paying attention how our insignificant size
Only brings a multitude of surprises from any place we choose to side

So if the inability to obtain both moving and staying still
Will inspire acceptance
I admit to regret that I have lost opportunities,
Potential momentum of prospective rides dying with each hesitation.

I’ll let the Duke teach me a lesson.

As he sweeps inside the Seeonee
Living out the fairy tales he reads
Singing words from inside his soul
In the sea he still plants seeds.

Keeping to the words he’s said
Hoping he’s a little less well-read
Finding adventure in his life,
Write his life’s story instead.

While we swap personal histories of people at bay and people at sea
Come together to learn that these are places we need to be.
At least,
For the time being.
Have being perfectly happy be the only degree we need to study
Whether that means crossing the amazon jungles or designing info-graphics for charity
It all merits a graduation ceremony.

Wherever our intentions lie,
How our burning desires right-hook us to do something,
Like an anchor on the seafloor
Another anchor cast inside of me

We’ll let the wind guide us…somewhere

We’ll let our toes squirm and squiggle
Itching to tour places unseen
Let the wind send us near or far,

Just look at the trees.

Satisfaction

You make me wet
With sweet anxiety sweat
Whenever I hold your hand.

You make me come
All the time to your flat
To raid Netflix and hang out.

You make me scream
When you tickle me
Because you know I’ll giggle uncontrollably

You make me feel all kinds of things,
And mostly none of them have to do
With sex.

Because when we lie in bed
Retreat into the night
I’d want nothing more than to talk through moonlight

Maybe make me wet,
Maybe make me scream,
But we could also just watch horror movies with tubs of ice cream

And inside my head
When I sleep, when I dream,
I’ll just want you to lie next to me.

Knowing my intentions
As innocent as they may be
Brings the greatest satisfaction.

The only kind I need.

Honeydew

Christen me with a kiss

Wilfully wishing you’d grant me the privilege
To shower you with the same sweetness.
Like drops of honeydew
That accidentally sprayed across your face
When you were too excited to try a fresh slice.

It reminded me how I give out a piece of my core to everyone I connect with.
Hoping that for every figment gifted is committed for reciprocation
Time has only told that some people have never been taught to share,
Let alone pay attention to how much other people care…about the little things.

Which is why I’m grateful time with you is not in the least,
fruitless.
How every mealtime is a opportunity to show the love,
Well, to me, I find in these small gestures “the truth”
Especially when you offered me a juicy slice too.