Busy Pub

Bumping knees with strangers
Wet surfaces of expired ale and lager
Minor eye contact that grows stale
People look far away at something right in front of them
Recognition is lost in awkward moments

Do I acknowledge your existence?
We met that one time at a party
But I remember not your name nor your circumstance
So I’ll ask again
I’ll hold a drink in my hand as a security blanket
Swivel it coolly as I feign false confidence
I look away at something that’s not there
In deep contemplation.

I feel bored and am aware of it
God I need a cigarette
But I don’t need a cigarette
I need the head space that this venue doesn’t allow
I can’t feel my heart beat some how
The loud music drowns it out with funky tunes to amuse the crowd
All it is to me is headache pleas
I’m happy to see people leave
The claustrophobia dies down inside of me
I’m nervous like you wouldn’t believe

I’m lost in a booth of brief acquaintances
Add me to the list of forgotten names you’ve met at social occasions
I’m sure you are all lovely
But this place permits not the kind of interaction that helps me see
What a cool personality you might have

You are beautiful
And I’m afraid to tell you that
Scared you’ll see it as something creepy and out of place
Just like how I feel about my face in this sea of laughter

All I want is to tell you is that maybe we could hit it off
Yet I believe that this instance will stain your memory
Me, that person at that place that one time

As you glaze your eyes over when you see me on the street.
Because it’s too odd to say “hi”
Not intimate enough for a wave
Maybe you’re just shy…
But it’d be nice to make a friend tonight.

Yet I’m not one to fight in density
I feel the numbers add together and join forces to attack
my comfort’s esteem
Claustrophobia is a dear friend
Especially when there’s no one to take me to the panic room.

This is a different realm from mine,
I love to chatter but I’d rather have intimate gathers
and cups of tea to lather our tongues
as we talk into the night about our dreams.

Enjoy a cheeky bit of ice cream
While leaning over our chests watching horrible movies.

So please excuse me if I leave a bit early.
Surely you’ll not heed too much attention
My presence might not have retention in your mind
But that’s ok,

Destiny will define.

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